We were out of school today because of a snowstorm and we are out again tomorrow. With the roads so bad I didn't try to make it to the meeting on Sunday or today and I probably won't tomorrow unless the sun comes out and it gets really warm. I went on Saturday though. More and more people are coming and I'm meeting them each time I go. I really like Marianne. She is an older lady, about my age I guess. She has short dark hair and is tall and slender. I like her spirit. She has a happy soul.
Melinda and I talked yesterday about Mark. She doesn't think he's addicted. I'm pretty sure he is. Whether he is or not, he's very dependent and Al-Anon is helping me. When I don't go to the meetings, I read the books they give me and that helps.
So tonight, with a long night ahead and no Dexter to watch, I will settle in early and read.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
New people
I'm meeting more new people each time I go to Al-anon. Yesterday a lady named Shirley came, and Cassandra was back. Today, we had three I hadn't met - another Shirley, and Diane, and then Joseph came back - the preacher who is so full of love. Hannah was back - the lady who said she'd lost 2 children this year. The six of us had a great meeting.
Diane looks like she has lived pretty hard, but she dresses beautifully and seems to have a large vocabulary. Our group are from all walks of life.
Our meetings are very spiritual, but not religious. There is a lot of faith and love going on. Much faith in a higher power that most of us call God - yesterday Joseph referred to Him as Jehovah Jireh (God my provider).
On another note, I have to get back on my diet - I had lost 12 pounds and now I've probably gained about 3 of them back. But if I get right back on the diet and exercise, then they will drop off quickly. I have more to lose, so can't afford to put this off and get discouraged, now that I've found a diet I can stick to.
I need to start bringing these folks healthy snacks to eat! We snack on donut holes and cookies - not good!
I'd better get off the computer and get in bed - early call tomorrow - back at school.
Diane looks like she has lived pretty hard, but she dresses beautifully and seems to have a large vocabulary. Our group are from all walks of life.
Our meetings are very spiritual, but not religious. There is a lot of faith and love going on. Much faith in a higher power that most of us call God - yesterday Joseph referred to Him as Jehovah Jireh (God my provider).
On another note, I have to get back on my diet - I had lost 12 pounds and now I've probably gained about 3 of them back. But if I get right back on the diet and exercise, then they will drop off quickly. I have more to lose, so can't afford to put this off and get discouraged, now that I've found a diet I can stick to.
I need to start bringing these folks healthy snacks to eat! We snack on donut holes and cookies - not good!
I'd better get off the computer and get in bed - early call tomorrow - back at school.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Today's visit
Each Al-anon visit is different. Today there was the not-so-faint scent of cigarette smoke, and now my clothes smell that way. But you know what? That won't keep me away -- I need these people.
And Allen surprised me by showing up. I haven't heard what he thought of it yet - he's on his way home from Sam's Club, bringing me Mukluks.
I feel God's spirit in these people, and it is easy to love them. They really want to help me. I really want to be helped and then I want to help them if I can.
Yesterday on the phone, we spoke to a married couple, Gary and Diana, that we have known for about 15 years. Actually Allen has known them for over 40 years. They just called to wish us a happy New Year. And I just found out that both of them were alcoholics. Gary hasn't had a drink in 34 years. Diana I'm not sure about but being a nurse, she could get drugs, and her alcohol problem was compounded by other substance abuses. They both urged me to continue going to Al-Anon.
At church this morning, I felt the absence of my usual joy, and I missed it. Am I blaming God because my perfect little world is not so perfect anymore? How has He blessed me? Let me count the ways. I felt like saying, "How can I find joy in you Lord, when you've let this happen to Mark?" Then my granddaughters came running in and Melinda and I sang a duet that she had arranged just because I was so crazy about the song, and I was immediately reminded of how very blessed I am and how good God has been to me. Then Allen showed up to hear us and videotape our song. My precious husband. My precious loved ones. How very blessed I am, after all.
And Allen surprised me by showing up. I haven't heard what he thought of it yet - he's on his way home from Sam's Club, bringing me Mukluks.
I feel God's spirit in these people, and it is easy to love them. They really want to help me. I really want to be helped and then I want to help them if I can.
Yesterday on the phone, we spoke to a married couple, Gary and Diana, that we have known for about 15 years. Actually Allen has known them for over 40 years. They just called to wish us a happy New Year. And I just found out that both of them were alcoholics. Gary hasn't had a drink in 34 years. Diana I'm not sure about but being a nurse, she could get drugs, and her alcohol problem was compounded by other substance abuses. They both urged me to continue going to Al-Anon.
At church this morning, I felt the absence of my usual joy, and I missed it. Am I blaming God because my perfect little world is not so perfect anymore? How has He blessed me? Let me count the ways. I felt like saying, "How can I find joy in you Lord, when you've let this happen to Mark?" Then my granddaughters came running in and Melinda and I sang a duet that she had arranged just because I was so crazy about the song, and I was immediately reminded of how very blessed I am and how good God has been to me. Then Allen showed up to hear us and videotape our song. My precious husband. My precious loved ones. How very blessed I am, after all.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Al-anon meeting, continued
Today, I attended my second Al-anon meeting. There were a couple of people who were not there yesterday. Newman was there - he was the man who always begins the meetings. He is an old African-American gentleman, and he reads the 12 steps to us. I had trouble remembering his name - he said "Newman - I'm a new man!"
Debbie was there today so I met her, and another girl named Betty. I have trouble understanding Betty - she has a speech impediment. It makes me feel bad when I can't understand what she is trying to tell me. Hannah was not there today, and neither was Cassandra. Steve was there again. I think Steve's homeless - he comes in a warm-up suit and today he fell asleep during the meeting and snored a little bit. But that was OK with everyone. There was another African-American man - an older man who walked with a cane, and he used to be a preacher. He kept me focused on myself instead of on Mark, which is really what you're supposed to do. Al-Anon is for those who have alcoholics in their lives to find peace for themselves - so they don't just cry all the time like I was doing yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
You would think that the first step, which is admitting that you are powerless against alcohol, would make you feel even worse. Instead, it set me free. No longer do I have to worry about what I should do or say to Mark. Because nothing I do or say will change anything anyway. Except the things I say to God in prayer. I do believe that prayer changes things. God can change Mark's heart. It has to be Mark's decision though. I just have to worry about myself - keeping myself healthy and loving. Over and over again, this man had to remind me to stop focusing on Mark. He kept saying, "What do YOU want for YOURSELF?" The answer - was peace. Peace of mind. Sure, it'll make me feel a whole lot better when Mark stops drinking. Until then, I focus on myself to get and stay healthy and full of love for others. Helping others and caring about them is a good way to help myself, too. Mark needs encouragement and love, but not money to buy stuff. He needs understanding but not approval.
I was in Hell for a few days - I don't ever want to go back there. Hannah lost 2 children this year, and she has peace. Or says she does. I asked her how she can have peace about that, and she just said she didn't know because it didn't come from her. So, there are things I don't understand but I'm trying to keep an open mind.
After I got home I called GeNeil from the car in the driveway and we prayed about Mark - we agreed in prayer for both Mark and her son Trey - for healing from the disease of alcoholism.
Debbie was there today so I met her, and another girl named Betty. I have trouble understanding Betty - she has a speech impediment. It makes me feel bad when I can't understand what she is trying to tell me. Hannah was not there today, and neither was Cassandra. Steve was there again. I think Steve's homeless - he comes in a warm-up suit and today he fell asleep during the meeting and snored a little bit. But that was OK with everyone. There was another African-American man - an older man who walked with a cane, and he used to be a preacher. He kept me focused on myself instead of on Mark, which is really what you're supposed to do. Al-Anon is for those who have alcoholics in their lives to find peace for themselves - so they don't just cry all the time like I was doing yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
You would think that the first step, which is admitting that you are powerless against alcohol, would make you feel even worse. Instead, it set me free. No longer do I have to worry about what I should do or say to Mark. Because nothing I do or say will change anything anyway. Except the things I say to God in prayer. I do believe that prayer changes things. God can change Mark's heart. It has to be Mark's decision though. I just have to worry about myself - keeping myself healthy and loving. Over and over again, this man had to remind me to stop focusing on Mark. He kept saying, "What do YOU want for YOURSELF?" The answer - was peace. Peace of mind. Sure, it'll make me feel a whole lot better when Mark stops drinking. Until then, I focus on myself to get and stay healthy and full of love for others. Helping others and caring about them is a good way to help myself, too. Mark needs encouragement and love, but not money to buy stuff. He needs understanding but not approval.
I was in Hell for a few days - I don't ever want to go back there. Hannah lost 2 children this year, and she has peace. Or says she does. I asked her how she can have peace about that, and she just said she didn't know because it didn't come from her. So, there are things I don't understand but I'm trying to keep an open mind.
After I got home I called GeNeil from the car in the driveway and we prayed about Mark - we agreed in prayer for both Mark and her son Trey - for healing from the disease of alcoholism.
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