Al-anon meeting, continued

Today, I attended my second Al-anon meeting. There were a couple of people who were not there yesterday. Newman was there - he was the man who always begins the meetings. He is an old African-American gentleman, and he reads the 12 steps to us. I had trouble remembering his name - he said "Newman - I'm a new man!"
Debbie was there today so I met her, and another girl named Betty. I have trouble understanding Betty - she has a speech impediment. It makes me feel bad when I can't understand what she is trying to tell me. Hannah was not there today, and neither was Cassandra. Steve was there again. I think Steve's homeless - he comes in a warm-up suit and today he fell asleep during the meeting and snored a little bit. But that was OK with everyone. There was another African-American man - an older man who walked with a cane, and he used to be a preacher. He kept me focused on myself instead of on Mark, which is really what you're supposed to do. Al-Anon is for those who have alcoholics in their lives to find peace for themselves - so they don't just cry all the time like I was doing yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
You would think that the first step, which is admitting that you are powerless against alcohol, would make you feel even worse. Instead, it set me free. No longer do I have to worry about what I should do or say to Mark. Because nothing I do or say will change anything anyway. Except the things I say to God in prayer. I do believe that prayer changes things. God can change Mark's heart. It has to be Mark's decision though. I just have to worry about myself - keeping myself healthy and loving. Over and over again, this man had to remind me to stop focusing on Mark. He kept saying, "What do YOU want for YOURSELF?" The answer - was peace. Peace of mind. Sure, it'll make me feel a whole lot better when Mark stops drinking. Until then, I focus on myself to get and stay healthy and full of love for others. Helping others and caring about them is a good way to help myself, too. Mark needs encouragement and love, but not money to buy stuff. He needs understanding but not approval.
I was in Hell for a few days - I don't ever want to go back there. Hannah lost 2 children this year, and she has peace. Or says she does. I asked her how she can have peace about that, and she just said she didn't know because it didn't come from her. So, there are things I don't understand but I'm trying to keep an open mind.
After I got home I called GeNeil from the car in the driveway and we prayed about Mark - we agreed in prayer for both Mark and her son Trey - for healing from the disease of alcoholism.